The Essex Herald

The sleepy Essex village of Landfill Tawny entered the record books this week by becoming the first place in the UK to allow internet voting in an election.

Local firm, Vote Right Technical Services were awarded the contract by the government last year.

In a surprise landside victory, independent candidate Trevor Conworthy was voted in as the new leader of the Landfill Tawny planning commission. Harry Smith (46) the Labour candidate and manager of Lay-by Second Hand Cars said he believed the election outcome was a little suspicious.  Conservative candidate Jonathan Montague-Smyth (51) leader of the local hunt went further in saying “I can’t quite put my finger on it but something is very wrong with this. I will look into this further”

In reply Trevor Conworthy (19), manager of Vote Right Technical Services and director of Build Right Housing (Essex Ltd.), said “This is no more than I expected. It is an outrageous slur on my good character and smacks  of sour grapes”.  He went on to say, " I personally counted all 3.6 million votes and can confirm that all the voters were residents of Landfill Tawny at the time.”

After months of wrangling, Landfill Tawny finally received their new school bus today. The service that runs between Slurry Bottom and Landfill Tawny was halted last year because of vandalism. It is said that the new bus is almost vandal proof. Unmarried mother of seven, Sharon Anytime (26) said, “It’s a disgrace, the council is treating our kids as yobs. Wayne, (7) only broke two windows all year and that gun wosent even his”. The owners of the bus (Eirst Essex Buses Ltd) say that this is just a trial. If successful a whole fleet of these new anti vandal buses will be put into service in Basildon.

Traffic chaos ensued today as a fleet of heavy vehicles including bulldozers slowed traffic in and around the usually sleepy Essex village of Landfill Tawny.  The convoy were travelling to the recently approved, Landfill Tawny redevelopment zone.  Site director Trevor Conworthy apologised for the delays and said they are likely to continue for the next year to 18 months as the 56 thousand luxury new homes were badly needed by the local community.  Diversions are in operation via Slurry Bottom and Chelmsford.