The Essex Herald

Yesterday the sporting world was shocked when Basildon man Norton Ryder was disqualified from the London to Brighton cycle race.  Ryder who completed the race in a record 37 minutes now fears that his world record may be in jeopardy.

Peter Trubshaw a spokesman for the British Cyclist association said “Mr Ryder was disqualified because of discrepancies with his cycle.  The British Cycle Association has very strict rules in order to maintain continuity and fairness”.  He went on to say “Mr Ryder’s cycle (a Suzuki 750) may have breached some of these strict rules. I would also like to point out that the disqualification is only pending the result of further enquiries”. 

A spokesman for Mr Ryder’s camp said “We will appeal any decision by the governing body. This decision was only made because of a complaint by the runner up (Ivor Saddlesore) who finished 5 hours and 47 minutes behind us” He went on to say. “This is yet another example of political correctness gone mad”  

The investigation continues.

Yesterday West Ham United unveiled their new striker, Stanley Arkwright (61). Arkwright is expected to start in his first match for the hammers against Chelsea on Saturday. I asked Stanley if he thought his age would work against him. “I don’t think so” he said, “I look on it as an opportunity, at 61 I may be the youngest player in the side but I have so much to learn from the older players” he went on “the fans have been asking for an injection of young blood so I can only hope that the older players take me under their wing. I may have only forty years experience but we all have to start somewhere”. Arkwright’s proudest moment came in 1968 when he scored the winning goal in the North east regional final of the “Coal Miners Cup”

Kick off is at three o’clock and the Herald’s chief sports reporter Mike Shouter will be there to bring you all the action.

Basildon’s hopes of being chosen as the location for the 2012 Olympic mountain bike course were dashed today. The route which would have gone through the town centre was deemed far too dangerous. Olympic committee official Sadell Sorebottom said, "The potholes were a lot deeper than they looked but that could be overcome, what tipped the balance was the locals throwing bricks and bottles".  In an attempt to win back the committee Basildon council offered to provide a UN escort and full body armour for the riders. In response Mr Sorebottom said; "Although we appreciate the concessions made by Basildon council we still feel that the wearing of riot helmets and stab vests would unduly hamper the riders". The first man to attempt the course was Olympic gold medallist Duncan Wellard. He spoke to us him from his hospital bed and said, "ouch".  

The Olympic committee will shortly be returning to London, just as soon as the police can find the wheels for their luxury mini bus.